Baggage

Paul and I are hoping the house purchase will complete this week. It’s looking like it will. So as and when I can be bothered I’m trying to sort through a few things. The other day it was paperwork. Today it’s my clothes.

When I moved in with Paul I got rid of lots of my clothes, it was a chance for a new start. A new me. So I got rid of all those clothes I was going to slim into (but never quite managed to) and all my fat clothes (in case I ever gained weight again but actually never wore again regardless). I got rid of all my bridesmaid dresses.

Now I’m about to move again and thought I’d have another clear out. I started with my jumper/cardigan cupboard. As soon as I pulled them all out onto the bed I realised something.

During the very cold winter we had I’d barely worn any of these jumpers. I’d simply rotated the same few.

The ones I didn’t wear are the ones I no longer like but they were, at one time, things that my Mum liked me in. Things that at one stage I liked me in. But I don’t like them anymore. My taste has changed.

But I feel bad because my Mum liked me in these jumpers. She’d bought me some of these jumpers. I’d worn these jumpers during the winter in the last stage of her life. They were some of the last things I’d worn when she was alive.

Mum and I spent a lot of time mooching around the shops, having lovely girlie days out. And I really, really miss that. More than I can even say. Now I mainly shop on my own and buy what I need. It’s not so enjoyable when you don’t have someone to giggle in the fitting room with.

Holding onto these clothes won’t change my wonderful memories of when I bought them, when I wore them. It doesn’t change how much I love my Mum.

It just means I will have more space in my wardrobe. It means I can replace them with new things, in time, that I’ll enjoy wearing.

I think that’s what my Mum would want for me. It’s what I want for me.

So tomorrow, when Paul and I go to the bank to transfer the money for the house to our solicitor. We’ll also be going to the charity shop where I can leave some more of my baggage.

It’s time to start moving on.