It's been a busy old year and I certainly couldn't have predicted last New Year's Eve where I would be a year on. I'm so very happy to have ended up here though and it feels so good to be able to say that.
I love being with Paul, I love our new home, I love our life together; I wouldn't change it for the world. I love that my brothers and I have been able to move on from our hurt and sadness and that things are ok with us again. I love that I have begun to make friends in this area and am meeting new people.
Life isn't always easy. My PTSD is bad at the moment and I'm struggling with it every day but I'm working on getting better and that's the important thing. I'm working on regaining control and I'm determined that 2011 will be the year I beat it.
I always feel reflective when it gets to New Year's Eve, I've spent today pondering things. I've thought of my Mum a lot; I still miss her so much and I think I always will but the pain is fading all the time. More often than not when I think of Mum now it's to do with a happy memory and the more time that passes the more the good memories are pushing the sad ones further and further away.
But I have so much to be thankful for and that's where my thoughts will lie tonight as the clock counts down to the New Year. I'm spending tonight at home with Paul and will be thinking of all the things we've got to look forward to next year and beyond. And there's nowhere on earth I would rather be.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year Hayley. I always feel weird at New Year (my Dad died totally unexpectedly on New Years Eve 6 years ago).I have found the cliche about the healing powers of time to be partly true. Like you are starting to do, I now remember his life rather than constantly reliving the death, but it has taken a long time and tears still catch me by surprise, but far less frequently. I never let myself feel obliged to be miserable (like on the anniversary of his death), because those days find me anyway. There's nothing wrong with celebrating your own life and your new future. I hope it's everything you want it to be. XX
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment, Heather. I'm so sorry to read that you lost your Dad six years ago yesterday. I really appreciate what you wrote, I think time eventually begins to help with the pain but it never stops you missing someone. I'm learning to find new normals now and to try and focus on the here and now. The sadness does catch you unawares at strange times and you're so right about not feeling obliged to be sad on certain days.
ReplyDeleteI hope this year is a happy one for you. xx