Isle of Wight Festival!

Last weekend was the Isle of Wight festival. It's the first festival I've ever been to and I was really excited about it and a bit apprehensive too. I was worried how I would be with my PTSD and dealing with crowds and open spaces but I was determined to manage as well as I could. Paul was endlessly reassuring me though, which is what I needed.

We arrived on the Thursday night and checked into our hotel; we just had a relaxing night and I tried to rest ready for the next day.

Friday arrived with sunshine, which was a great start. We left early and drove around Newport, we were lucky enough to rent a driveway off a guy who lived really close to the festival site. It couldn't have been a better place.

We were at the festival for it opening and found a perfect shaded place to sit under a huge tree. The first act on was Big Country, who to be honest weren't that great but it was good to be able to just chill out and see a band. The weather got cooler so we went for a walk around the festival then came back in time to see We Are Scientists on the Main Stage, they were great. It then started drizzling so we ended up in the Big Top to shelter from the rain and Sharon Corr was playing. Neither of us would have put her on our list of people to see but she was actually good and we found ourselves singing along to familiar songs. Next up was Imelda May, who was on our list, and she didn't disappoint. We then made our way back out in the rain to find a place to see Kaiser Chiefs on the main stage. The Courteeners were still playing so we got to see the last few songs of their set, I've never been a big fan but I enjoyed hearing them live. Kaisers did what they do, they were a little predictable but at the same time it was nice to jump around and sing to familiar old songs like I Predict a Riot and Ruby. Unfortunately by the time they finished we were so cold and wet that we decided to leave, so we missed Kings of Leon. Health comes first though and we were right to leave but we are both gutted now that we didn't see them. I was really pleased with how well I coped with day one, we kept slightly out of the big crowds although it did get a bit cramped where we stood for Kaisers but I coped with it fine.

Day two of the festival got off to a bit of a bad start with my stomach problems flaring up. I spent the morning in bed and was starting to think I'd miss the day. Thankfully by mid afternoon I was feeling a bit better so we set off in glorious sunshine for the festival.

I was disappointed to miss seeing Hurts but luckily got to hear them as we were arriving, which was better than nothing. We then headed straight for the Garden Stage to see The Scarletz. They're a new group who we decided to try and see after hearing about them on twitter. They were really good and we're so glad we made it in time for their set. We then headed to the main stage to see Mike and the Mechanics. We found a space in the sun back from the stage, it was bliss. It was great to see the crowd singing along and everyone got up on their feet for The Living Years, which was fab as it's my fave Mike and the Mechanics song. When they'd finished Paul suggested we have a wander and decide where we wanted to stand for Foo Fighters later on. I wanted a good view but didn't want to get stuck in a pushing crowd. We were amazed at that time to get right near the front and decided to stay there a while to see Seasick Steve. His set was brilliant. I'd never paid much attention to him or his music but I'm definitely a fan now. We then saw Iggy Pop and the Stooges. I know their music but have never been a big fan but Iggy was so engaging, it was another great set. Next up was Pulp and we only had one or two rows of people in front of us and I just couldn't resist staying there to see them. My anxiety was lurking as the crowd started building behind us but Paul kept reminding me to just look forward and not think about it so that's exactly what I did. The reward was that I saw Pulp do their thing in front of me and not just on a big screen. I'm a huge Pulp fan and was in my element. Jarvis Cocker is just brilliant. As Pulp finished the group of lads in front of us decided to leave and someone pushed me and I found myself right at the front, like against the railing at the front. The Foos were on next and I was at the front!! I felt a bit panicked in case the crowd surged but there was so much security in front of us that I figured I'd be ok. We were to the side of the mosh pit too which helped, I don't think my anxiety could have coped with that just yet. So Foos came on and I saw their whole set right in front of me, I couldn't have been any nearer. Apparently we were even on telly! We got some great photos and have some fabulous memories. It was one of the best nights of my life. I saw my fave band from that close and I conquered a huge demon - my fear of crowds, my fear of being outside with people I don't know, my fear of being trapped. The reward for facing those fears was so huge that it's made me feel so focused and so determined to beat my PTSD once and for all now. I was walking on air and am still wittering on about it over a week later!!

On day three came the torrential downpour and strong winds. It had been forecast but the weather was so nice on the Saturday that we'd hoped the forecast was wrong. We decided to head out in the afternoon as planned and see how we got on. We parked the car and put on our waterproof jackets. I had on four layers of clothing plus a waterproof jacket and a poncho and I was still freezing. We went straight to the main stage to see Two Door Cinema Club who were fab. We enjoyed singing and dancing along to their set but after they'd finished we realised how cold and wet it was. We wandered over to the Garden Stage to see Ian Broudie, who was really good but I was properly shivering by this point. I have arthritis too so my joints were really hurting from the cold and my wet clothes. We headed to the Big Top to try and warm up a bit but I was really struggling. I needed to sit down but there was nowhere, everything was muddy and soaking wet. Paul decided that my health was more important than any band so we called it a day. We were gutted. Paul missed PiL, who'd he'd most wanted to see and I missed the Manics. Still there'll be other chances. I was in agony by the time we got back to the hotel so it was probably a good thing that we left when we did, still a shame though.

All in all it was a fabulous weekend though and I'd definitely got the festival bug... can't wait for next year!!

Take That!!

Paul won tickets for us to see Take That in Manchester on Friday night. I've been a huge fan of them forever so was massively excited and the concert did not disappoint.

We got there at just after 7 and were amazed how close to the front we got at that time. The Pet Shop Boys had just started their set. I'm a big fan of theirs too and for a moment felt a twinge of sadness as my Mum had been a real fan. But actually instead of being sad that she isn't here to see it made me want to enjoy it even more. I enjoyed it for us both.

Take That as a four piece were brilliant. Robbie as a solo act was fab. And Take That as a five piece were amazing. I was really happy that they played a mix of old and new as I hadn't been expecting that.

I found myself, from the Pet Shop Boys all the way through Take That, singing at the top of my voice and dancing and smiling. Friday night is the first time in a really long time where I felt uninhibited and just didn't care that I can't sing a note in tune. Not since before my Mum was ill. I've really missed who I was before and never thought I'd be so carefree ever again but tonight I captured it for those few hours. And it felt so good!

It wasn't easy for me being in a crowded stadium, I have PTSD and although I'm getting better it's still hard at times. I only had a bit of panic right near the end when the crowd all got really closed in. Six months ago though I could barely leave the house and if you'd told me then that in a few months I'd be at a big concert I wouldn't have believed you.

So funnily enough, and I know it's really cliche to say it but I don't care, Take That's amazing Progress tour has highlighted for me just how much incredible progress I've made. I feel really good just now.