Being a Carer

I've been watching Eastenders again recently, you know how it is you watch one episode and it sucks you back in then before you know it you're watching regularly.

I've found the storyline with Dot heartbreaking, particularly Monday's episode where she was falling apart trying to look after her husband and have a life of her own. She was trying to desperately to remember the man he was before he was ill and trying to rekindle her love for him.

As any of you who have read my blog will know, I cared for my Mum when she was dying. I was more than happy to do it and if I had to go back in time I would do it all over again, it was the least I could do for her and I don't for a second begrudge it. But it was hard. Really, really hard. I was on my own with her in the same room in the same house for months with little to no support from anyone. Part of that was my fault because I was fiercely independent, as Dot is being in Eastenders, but partly because people just stop calling in. It's a struggle.

There was one day when there had been a mix up with Mum's prescription and I needed the medication for her urgently so had no choice but to go out to the chemist. I had to beg someone to come sit with Mum for twenty minutes while I went out. The chemist was quite rude to me and I lost my temper. I snapped at him and ended up sobbing. I was completely and utterly exhausted and at the end of my rope. Thankfully one of the assistants knew me and took me into the office, I wept on her shoulder for quite a few minutes. Then I had no choice but to dry my eyes, go home and put on a big smile for my Mum like everything was ok and under control. It was so difficult to act normal when my heart was breaking.

You may wonder why I'm going over all of this again. Well after Monday night's Eastenders I felt drained; June Brown portrayed so well the tension and the hurt of caring for someone you love while watching them deteriorate. I think most carers would admit that at one time or another they've wanted to scream or sob or throw something, it's such a hard job. I was shocked, therefore, after being so moved by  the episode to see people laughing about Dot's crying, laughing at her obsessively trying to buy a particular type of syrup. I did things like that too, my Mum was at the end of her life and I became quite obsessive over seemingly silly things because I wanted to make her as comfortable and as happy as I could. I wanted to try and bring back the Mum I was losing. It's not actually funny, June Brown's portrayal was so accurate of life as a carer. I know it's only a soap and she was only acting but for many people that's how their life is.

So I guess what I really want to say is please don't laugh or judge til you've walked a mile in that person's shoes. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but unless you've been a carer you are so lucky that you have no idea just how hard it is.