Mother's Day

This was taken a few Christmases ago, we're each wearing our new dressing gowns. I love how happy my Mum looks on this photo, it makes me smile.

Today is Mother's day and it's a strange day for me. It's hard seeing all the cards and flowers and promotions that are on everywhere for this day and no longer having anyone to buy them for. It makes me feel bad like I should be buying them anyway which is silly, I know, but it's how I feel.

I wish I could take flowers to where my Mum's ashes are buried but it's too far away from where I live now. And anyway, the church doesn't allow flowers to be left in the Garden of Remembrance anymore. I did visit my Mum's resting place when I was in the area a couple of weeks ago and I left her some flowers then, I couldn't not when I was there.

I know my Mum would tell me not to feel bad that I can't go to where she is more often, she would tell me to get on with my life and not to be worrying. I can hear her saying that now. I hope that she knows just how much I still think of her and will always think of her.

A couple of days before Mum died, when she was in and out of consciousness and was becoming increasingly confused and disorientated, I told her I loved her and that she was the best Mum in the world (as I often did). She looked right into my eyes and smiled and said she loved me too. It was the last conversation we had where I felt she knew what I had said. I treasure that moment because my Mum was put on this earth to be a Mum, it was all she wanted to be and she was so amazing; I'm glad that at the end of her life I was able to tell her once more and have her understand just how wonderful she was.

I love you Mum, you're forever and always in my heart and in my thoughts. xxx