I've just logged into Blogger for the first time in ages as I wanted to look at the resolutions I set myself for this year and to reflect on the year. The quote on my sidebar when the page loaded sums it all up really:
'You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along'. You must do the thing you think you cannot do'. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
So this is my year...
My happiest news is that Paul and I got engaged in November and that tops everything.
Next on the list would have to be seeing Foo Fighters at the Isle of Wight festival and we were right at the front!!
I also saw Pulp at the same festival (amongst many, many other brilliant bands/singers)!
I went to my first Take That concert.
I travelled by train on my own via two stations I'd never been to before.
I went on a chairlift even though I'm terrified of heights.
I confronted the thing I'm most afraid of head on and I survived!
My achievements have been many this year and I feel quite satisfied when I think about how far I've come in a year. So in no particular order:
I can now leave the house and go into town by myself.
I can walk to the local shop.
I can be in the house on my own with all the curtains and blinds open.
I can answer the phone without anxiety.
I've learnt how to enjoy doing things for me.
I've found new hobbies.
I've learnt to cook and to bake.
I've found that I can control my anxiety and panic attacks to a large degree.
I'm much better at saying no to people when I don't want to do something or when they expect too much of me.
I no longer feel guilty about only sending birthday cards to people I like and who I'm in regular contact with.
I make an effort to ring people and catch up.
I've started driving again and while I don't really enjoy it as yet I am doing it, which is the main thing.
I've learnt that I'm not responsible for how other people behave.
I let go of a lot of hurt I still held surrounding how people were when my Mum was so ill and as a result I have people back in my life and that's a good thing.
I've learnt that forgiveness is about allowing yourself to feel better, it doesn't mean that someone got away with something. Sometimes you just have to let it go.
Not bad considering this time last year I couldn't even open the front door and take a step outside because my PTSD was so bad. I never opened the curtains because I was so anxious about what might be outside. I felt anxious constantly and my panic attacks were out of control.
All in all this has been a great year... it's been the year where had to confront some incredibly difficult things but in the process I finally began to find me again and to get my life back. I still have a long way to go but I feel like the hardest parts are behind me now. Here's to 2012!!
